Ex-cricketer Ajay Jadeja feels that all parents need to chill out and give their kids some space. Seema Chandra spoke to Jadeja, here are some excerpts from the interview...
Seema: You obviously are a pretty chilled out dad when it comes to expectations from your child.
Ajay: I guess I don't have a choice! Once you are a dad, you better be chilled out.
Seema: I love that! Once you are a dad you should be chilled out! All you dads out there please listen.
Ajay: I guess you've got to. Most of my friends and the dads you are referring to are probably trying to live their lives through their kids...They want to make sure that every mistake they made the child should not make or any opportunity they didn't have, they should not miss out on.
You shouldn't put pressure on your children. They're going to have pressure throughout their lives, I mean once they get to 10th and 12th. If I had my way, I'd probably have my son in a school where he doesn't have to do the Board Exam.
I don't believe a child has to do one exam to decide what he's going to do for the rest of his life.
Seema: People around seem to be going a bit berserk when it comes to expectation levels from their kids.
Ajay: When we were sent to school, I guess I was useless and probably not a good example to give but every kid who went to school wasn't going to be the topper or do the IAS.
Seema: You've been a cricketer and your son is playing soccer!
Ajay: I would love it if he can play cricket. But he enjoys soccer at the moment. He should do what he enjoys doing. At 13, if you'd asked me, “Would you be a cricketer?” I would have said, “I don't know.”
Seema: The problem is we've got a lot of people telling us what to do, what not to do.
Ajay: What you see now is people want their kids to do whatever they want which is a nice thing as well. But then you go by whatever the leaders of those profession tell you to.
Like with soccer, you and I don't know what is to be done at the soccer ground. But whatever the coach says, “Aapke bete ko coaching ke liya Wales bhejna chhaiya (You should send your son to Wales for coaching).
So you think, he's saying the right thing. If I want the best thing for my son, I should do that or if your friend's kids are going for piano, they've got to go...
Seema: It's keeping up with the Joneses.
Ajay: It could be. If your kids are going somewhere my wife would want my kids to go there as well. It's almost like that.
Seema: Interesting thing you have put your son in a school where academic pressure is minimal, so have I.
Now what do you do, I go for a PTA today, and I'm told by the teacher, It's all very well if the child is bright but you have got to translate that brightness on to paper.
Which means this whole system of just letting our child be, which is what I feel I've done, maybe at the back of my mind I'm thinking it has boomeranged, maybe you need to put more pressure, maybe I've been too easy.
Ajay: If he didn't have the ability to put it on paper, then I'd probably start worrying. I would be happy with my child if he isn't putting it on paper at this age.
Everybody does not cope with pressure in a similar fashion. I believe every individual is different.
Seema: So your son does know you are a cool dad?
Ajay: No he doesn't think I'm a cool dad because he's seen my dad. And he thinks his grand-dad is cooler than his dad!
Seema: Aiman, here's what I want to tell you – Your dad is a cool dad! He should know that.
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