Women & Sex

You probably talk about everything under the sun with your best friend. The state of your relationship with your boyfriend, your husband, jealousy at work. Yes, you are even willing to admit that you are jealous!

But can you ever recall having had a detailed conversation about sex? When, how, what makes you happy? Perhaps not.
Sex is no longer a taboo subject. So let's try and find a few answers, especially for you ladies.

Manvi Dhillon shoots “those questions” at our Apollo doctors: Dr Savita Date Menon, Clinical Psychologist and Dr N Subramanian, Urologist.

Manvi: It's a complicated world for young girls to navigate. As a liberated parent how will you protect yet allow your child her freedom when it comes to sex?

Dr Savita: It's complicated for the young child but it's even more complicated for the parent today because you have to be liberal that's what society demands of you.
At the same time there still are the do's and don'ts that haven't changed over the years.

If my mother were to fight with me, it would have been about wearing a short skirt. But if I have a hassle with my daughter today, it would probably be about drawing the boundaries when it came to her sexuality.

I think giving the right amount of information on safety is extremely important and thereafter if a mistake happens you should provide your child with the confidence that you will be there to take care of her.

Manvi: When you are in that age and you really like a guy, there's almost an unspoken understanding that the next level is obviously sex. How do you face that kind of pressure?

Dr Savita: Hormones are working for men and women both. Therefore, the desire, the passion is present in both the genders not just the male. There could be a little more pressure from the male.

But there has to be a “right age and right time” for getting into sexual activity. Just because you are in a relationship and passion is present isn't necessarily reason enough for sex.

Using discretion and learning the ability to say 'No' is also something both partners especially women and young girls must learn.

Manvi: Has society become much more liberated? Is there a tectonic shift?

Arti Chaudhry, Consultant: I think women have been open for a very long time. But we really don't discuss openly our sex life: How many times we do it, how was it, what position. It's something that's just not acceptable in our society. But things are changing.

Women are being more open about what they like and what they don't. Whether they want a relationship which is sexual in nature or not. Women are finding their ways about it.

Dr Savita: Fortunately, sex is not taboo now. When we were growing up it's not something we discussed openly. There were exceptions here and there. Things are opening up now.

For instance a survey was done a while ago and a young age group of 15 to 19 was asked various questions about their sexuality.
And about 17 per cent said they don't want to wait for sexual activity to happen only after marriage. So lots of changes.

Roles are changing, relationships are changing, today, Women are on Top.

Manvi: What is a healthy sex life?

Dr Subramanian: When you define healthy sex, very often you look at how often you are 'meant' to have sex. I don't think that is important.

When you talk about a low libido, you are talking about somebody who's had a certain level of sexual drive earlier and notices a change or if there is a disparity between the libido of the partners.

For instance when you look at women, almost a third have problems related to desire itself. But that's only one segment.
There are woman who have problems because of not being able to have an orgasm or painful sexual interaction. So for them, nobody actually goes willingly out if there's not going to be much pleasure.

Manvi: There are also many Lifestyle issues for low libido in women...

Dr Subramanian: It's pretty common, I would think even daily chores at home, bringing up a child, looking after your job, balancing the household. If not anything at least tires you out physically.

When you've had a tiring day, the last thing on your mind at 1130 at night, is sex.

Manvi: We all as women feel inadequate for “Not upto sex”...

Dr Savita: I think sex is the right of one partner and responsibility of another partner and vice versa. To that extent both need to work towards it.
However, just because it's a right does not mean you can make it into a demand.

For the partner who feels he is not getting enough sex or she is not getting enough sex - there needs to be a discussion, a dialogue between the two as to what is an unmet desire of one and how it can be fulfilled and what are the reasons why it's not being fulfilled.

If for instance there is too much of multi-tasking, too much fatigue how can these factors be addressed? Instead of Saturday night, could it be Sunday morning when there is a little more time and relaxation?

So if there is a problem, it can only come up with discussion. Then you can work towards the solution jointly.

Interested in the entire interview?:Watch Video