You know you are old when...

I used to be quite the wild one. I had long coloured hair; then it was short and streaked, then long again...now, it’s permanently reduced.

I could drink like a fish and then throw up like a Size-0 model, all in the same evening, usually in the same evening. I heard music that could peel paint off the walls and wore loose clothes that could easily fit a family of four.

Tattoos, piercings...I still have those. In fact, I always wondered what would the next generation do that I, I, I would consider whacky?

What could and would they possibly do that would make me nod my head in that manner old people do, a nod of wisdom and remorse. A nod that says, “Forgive them Lord for they know not what they do.” Or something like that...

So what happened? Where did all the wildness go, I still feel and look the same, well almost, if you stretch your imagination a bit. I may have lost some boyish innocence and charm but I have sure enough made up in manly good looks and personality.
Not to mention humour, especially if you found that last sentence really funny!

I recently celebrated yet another successful year of existence on Earth whilst showing little signs of life. Signs that I am ageing had started appearing much earlier though, through TV.

It happened when I caught a favourite artist on the Classic Hits programme of a music channel and was appalled to realise that were being shown on their Brand New show only like a few years...wait let me calculate...damn...was it really that long ago!?

I was around in all my consciousness when those songs were released. We stood in lines to buy them, begged cousins coming from abroad for their albums on audio tapes, planned school parties around them, a video of their concerts was a birthday bonanza, they were the young singing sensations and today....they were being shown on Classic Hits.

Even the quality of the video seemed jaded – a bit blurred and the colours gone soft and smudgy – only making me feel even older.

But even before telly other signs in daily life were pointing at the obvious. Beggars on the street stopped blessing me and wishing me good examination results. Well, they continued doing the same but for a son or daughter that I still don’t have, or at least know of. But, in their trained eyes, I was father material, or fatherly age.

Apart from that, I haven’t ever been asked for ID to enter a club, buy a half-ticket or avail a student-discount. To think of it, all that wasn’t that long back, honestly!

Working with wines and food further seems to add years; general perception remains that bald, bearded and aged are the minimum qualifications to be considered authoritative and believable – I then do have what it takes to be a good one and I don't mean my cooking background.

Recently at a trance gathering – I don’t know if they can be termed parties as nobody interacts with each other really – I was more bored than I have been at boring book launches. In fact, it wasn’t just boredom, it was a serious lack of belongingness; I felt lost and didn’t know where to turn.

I would have asked for directions but everyone was pointing up with one finger, bobbing it in the air to what I think I can safely assume could be defined as a ‘beat’, while their heads hung low boring into the ground, bobbing to what I assume was yet another ‘beat’; not very coherent really.

I kept waiting for the music to pick up, build up a tempo, break into a chorus, some nice riffs or solo pieces...but nothing happened.

So I sat in a corner complaining to some friends how this was so not rocking! Some agreed; others, the younger in the group, just stared back: They were wondering at what the definition of “rocking” was.

And in that few seconds of silence I realised that I, this 26th I hadn’t just aged by a year, I had grown up. I was suddenly, old. What hit me next was a cascade of all the things and worries that I had probably been trying to bury in remote corners of my sub-conscious that I don’t dig up very often.

It seemed as if I had ripped through a seam and everything had just come tumbling out. This is why I knew now I was old. 1. I seem to add weight and girth simply by breathing.

2. Hair has been disappearing from the top only to reappear in places I didn’t even know it was possible to grow hair.

3. The music today is noise to my ears and it isn’t the hair causing distortions.

4. The kilometre seems to have gotten longer by a good 100 metres or so.

5. My legs also seem to have grown as my toes are further than they used to be.

6. I don't get the hairstyles or the importance youngsters attach to them.

7. Two drinks seem like over-indulgence.

8. I can’t remember when I last had a heavy meal and didn’t feel guilty.

9. I can’t remember, full stop.

If only you could see me nodding my head right now, even if so only in denial, you too would aver that I am growing old but I don't feel like it...I have the nod sans any of the ‘promised’ wisdom.

So, as a belated birthday gift, answer me this: Is it too late for me to thank God for the music?