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Question :
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hi
i don't know why this problem is there,so,m giving you some details about my past.i was molested when i was very young.then,in college fell for a guy,with whom some intimacy was there,but he left me(am still not completely over him )! now,after 2 years of marriage,am still unable to have intercourse(never happened)..i fear the pain so much...the fear is really too much,that i tighten ...i don't know why this is so,please help me dr. sonya,as i am feeling guilty now for my so supportive hubby.
n
Posted By:
n,[India]
Date:
Tuesday, October 27, 2009 5:00 PM
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Answer :
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Dear N,
Clearly your childhood experience of molestation left its mark on you and you have not fully recovered from this trauma. First of all you have to accept that this in no way was your fault and that you bear no responsibility. You also must believe that this in no way leaves you damaged or tainted in any way whatsoever.
Your husband does sound incredibly patient and supportive but you do need to deal with this immediately. Every one has limits to patience and undertanding and you should not jeopardize your relationship.
Talk to your ob honestly. If your main fear is pain perhaps the doctor can surgically remove the hymen - the tearing of which can sometimes cause pain. I also suggest you talk honestly with the doctor (preferably a woman doctor). Sexual intimacy should be about pleasure and emotional connection not fear and pain. Clearly you associate pain with sex- hence the great fear and your body's reaction.
You may also want to use a relaxation technique- deep breathing or visualizing something that gives you a sense of peace and using that the first few times you have sex.
2 years is a long time- don't waste any more.
Answer By:
Dr Sonya Mehta
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Dr Sonya Mehta is one of the most outspoken and articulate Indian psychologists today.
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