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Question :
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I'm divorced girl 27 pure vege problem with me is i'm not finding anyone of 3-5 yrs elder who is also divorced.But now a profile from US has come where guy is non veg compatible age n divorced n I like the match but i need to know what are the basic qualities that snould be thought about before marring him .He has no issues of me being veg n will not touch non veg even to cook.I wanted to know when i meet him want should i judge in him to know him better?What sort of disussions should I start on to know whether we could have happy married life?What sould I tell her about expectations from him?I do what a good lifestyle to live in.As I have been living nice n luxuriously all my life.But since my dad passed away things have been not so easy now.I'm dependent on my brothers and looking at my mom I fell i should not delay my marrage keeping my age factor in mind.The guy sounds nice to talk with is good one.but you never know how is one in and out so please suggest me ways with which i come to know the real in him?
his financial,character,behaviour,family traints?I think i should go with the flow n not bother about diff in food habits?I feel its gonna be difficult initially to stay in US but i think with initial efforts later on it will be very much easier i guess ?I know people telling me life is not so rosy in US.Please suggest
Posted By:
seema,[India]
Date:
Tuesday, October 27, 2009 10:09 PM
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Answer :
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Dear Seema,
As you probably already recognise marriage is all about making adjustments and adapting to each other. I don't think any one factor should be more important than another unless it is a make or break factor for you , your beliefs and values.
Its not critical that one has identical beliefs - whats important is that you respect and tolerate each others differences cheerfully and sympathetically.
I think its important you meet this man and see if you continue to be interested. You need to ask him (and tell him )about the failed marriage and what went wrong. You should tell him honestly what you expect from a partner - emotionally and financially-and find out what he wants and if you can meet those expectations. Make sure you spend some time with him - you are both divorced so the convention and tradition of a brief supervised meeting should not apply. I would also be frank about your fears about moving to another country and being isolated from family and friends. Ask him about his support structure and friends in the US. Life is not rosy anywhere- be realistic and make a decision based on what your instincts and your intelligence is telling you. While you don't need to rush you should also not be complacent and pass up on someone who just may be the right man for you.
Answer By:
Dr Sonya Mehta
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Dr Sonya Mehta is one of the most outspoken and articulate Indian psychologists today.
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