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 Dr Sonya Mehta is one of the most outspoken and articulate Indian psychologists today.
Practising for the past 15 years, Dr Mehta received her training in the US, where she earned her Ph.D in Psychology.
For the past three years she has served as a consultant to various TV news channels and has been a frequent guest on We the people on NDTV 24X7 hosted by Barkha Dutt and Lounge on NDTV GOOD TIMES.
The mother of two teenagers, Dr Mehta is particularly interested in adolescents and in dealing with relationship issues.
AND SHE is here to answer your queries!
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 About the show :
Hosted by Rajat Kapoor, Lounge is a tri-weekly chat show which invites real people to tell real stories.
So many people have questions to ask, issues to discuss, problems to fix, experiences to share, stories to tell.
This show gives people the platform to acknowledge issues we should be talking about and to answer questions we should be asking.
It’s a progressive show which talks about things that are happening and changing in India but people are still shying away from.
Through its course different kinds of relationships are explored -- from falling in love to falling out of love, from marriages to divorces – every relationship comes within it scope.
The show celebrates the dynamics of these relationships.
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| Ask our relationship expert Dr Sonya Mehta |
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Question :
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Hello Dr.Mehta,
This is the first time ever I am writing to any blogs
My problem is with jealousness, I am extremely jealous of my cousins, I guess as kids we were all compared a lot and even today the relatives compare our families with that of cousins, It could be the salary, the house we buy, the country we visit, the gold we wear at weddings, so on and so forth, this is the cause of problem. It could even be the parents of cousins who would boast their kids in some social gathering, or would visit our house and talk for hours about their kids, In a way it has helped as It would motivate me to do more and push myself hard to achieve my goals in the beginning.
But now the same thing has become a burden to me. My mood goes off for days if I hear any progress about my cousins, the thoughts about what they would do in future will be the first thing that comes to mind in morning than of my life, and my mind would constantly revolve around them all time though we stay miles apart.
As a solution to this I tend to go away from the source of news, I dun want to visit my home county, I dun call my parents often (which makes me really really guilty), I do not call all those relatives who will give me the news of the cousins, these solutions have only kept me away from the things temporarily. I would eventually be sad or depressed once I hear about them. So my cousins life(which is beyond my control) or people who speak about them are literally controlling my life and emotions, to the worsen that my mind even think 10 years ahead what they might do.. lol
How do I get rid of this. How can I still be happy talk and laugh with all my cousins and not be effected by their progress and life. I want a way to be more happy with my life and be lively with my parents and my close family? I am too eager about your reply.
Thanks
Tweety!!
Posted By:
Tweety,[India]
Date:
Wednesday, October 28, 2009 7:13 PM
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Answer :
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Hi Tweety,
Its pretty awful living your life in the shadow of someone else isn't it? I'm glad that you recognize the havoc this jealousy is playing in your life. Now that you know what the problem is you have to start to deal with it or at least put it in perspective.
The reason for this negativity must emanate from your parents and family constantly comparing you and you feeling inferior. This constant comparison is so harmful and destructive but you have to recognize as an adult that things are not always black and white, rich and poor good and bad. Everything is a matter of degree and even the truth has many shades of meaning.
One strategy ( and its only one of many) is to try and accept yourself for who you are and celebrate and recognize your own triumphs and successes. Perhaps the world may see your cousins as better, richer more attractive but only you know what you have achieved and how hard you have struggled to get there. Instead of looking at only the OUTCOME - the house the money the jewelery- look at the PROCESS . Life is as much about the journey as it is about the outcome. Teach yourself to appreciate your work, your success as an achievement on its own merit.
In this world there is always someone who is smarter, luckier, prettier and trying to measure up is to doom yourself- and I deliberately choose the word doom - to a life of unhappiness and discontent. Accept that your cousins and indeed millions of others in this world may be better off than you but that that is no cause for you to be unhappy.
Realize that you can control your own happiness- allowing this jealousy to control you is controlling your actions and decision making. Visualize a big balloon and into it pour all your anger, resentment, envy and negativity. Then imagine letting go the string and allowing it all to fly away.
You are letting this envy occupy too large a part of your life and its building walls between you and the ones you love. Once you can control it and put it in perspective you will realize how destructive jealousy is and how it feeds upon itself to becoming unrealistically large and occupying a disproportionate part of your life.
Life is too short to be lived through the eyes of others- open your own eyes and enjoy what you have!
Answer By:
Dr Sonya Mehta
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