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Question :
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HI my husband is often working latenights and on weekends .He is also a frequent international traveller... .there are laptops ,mobiles and e chats all the time...television and reading...he loves his socialising and heavy food ...has huge huge circle of close friends...too much of workalcoholic...happens to have bad hygeine and lifestyle....neglects household duties...irresponsible.... careless to home
and my health....i feel very lonely since there are only two of us at home....i try to partcipate in his life and keep myself busy still i feel lonely....communicated this to husband lots of times but he is not changing...
Posted By:
JASMINE,[India]
Date:
Wednesday, October 28, 2009 8:26 PM
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Answer :
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Hi Jasmine,
So you are married to an overworked, stressed out man who does not seem to care too much about your feelings or his home.
I think the critical issue here is that he really has no incentive to change and nothing forcing him to change- in other words both push and pull factors that would persuade him to change do not exist. Change is hard and inconvenient for anyone and unless there is a reason to go through this process one remains unchanged.
It sounds as though you have no power in this marriage and that our husband is not willing to try to make you happy.
Is he aware of how miserable you are?Sometimes one can go on and on at the same issue and it becomes such a pain for the listener that he just tunes it out as nagging. Have you become a nag rather than being able to effectively(and thats the key) being able to communicate? Think through the time and manner in which you can actually let him know how unhappy and lonely you are and NOT sound like you are complaining or nagging.Think about small achievable changes that you can make- a dinner alone once a week? breakfast together on sundays? Try and carve out a regular time for yourselves to just talk.
Are you doing your part to share in his interests, friends and work? Is this a big change in his life or has he always functioned in this way? If its recent what brought it about? These are all things you should address.
If you have done everything you can and there is still no effort on his part I guess the only thing you can do is look for another outlet. Find a job a hobby a group of friends that sustain you and provide you with companionship and caring.
Answer By:
Dr Sonya Mehta
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Dr Sonya Mehta is one of the most outspoken and articulate Indian psychologists today.
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