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Question :
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Hi Sonya,
iam a 23 year old lonely girl. Iam obese and no man really took much of a intrest in me right from my early teens. I met a guy on yahoo chat 8 months back and he said he was a divorcee. we fell into talking and came to know fully abt each other. we shared our loneliness and problems with each other. It became so initimate that i really started feeling in love with him but never had the confidence to meet him. Meanwhile my parents started looking out for a guy for me and he also started looking for a divorced girl in matrimonal sites. Finally he found someone and now has started communicating with her. His priorities have suddenly chnged. Hardly gets time to call me these days. I feel so bad that evn when he calls and tries to talk i dnt feel like communicating as i feel i hav lost him already. It makes me feel so horrible . i feel happiness to me was so shortlived and he doesnt even know how i feel about him. Now tht he is communicatin with that girl ,whom he found in matrimonial site a lot , i feel i cant tell him anything now. its too late. I am really living in self pity and do nt know hw to manage my emotions. I tried telling him this. but he s on cloud nine these days after meeting d new girl in his life. He is not in a frame of mind where he wud lend an ear to me. i feeel so left off. I cant blame him but i feel extremly possesive, I hate it wen he talks abt that girl. How can i help myself out, Pls explain . I am very resistent to changes in life. I am feeling on a all time low in my life. Pls help me!
Posted By:
Kavita,[India]
Date:
Sunday, November 01, 2009 1:07 PM
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Answer :
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Dear Kavita,
Low self esteem and lack of self confidence often accompany weight problems. In your loneliness you began to communicate with this man on the net and without ever having met him you began to feel you had a relationship with him and that you felt you were in love with him.You can't really fault your friend - he never tried to hide the fact that he was looking to marry and actively seeking a partner. Do you think you perhaps misunderstood his sharing and reaching out for something more than friendship. If he is happy and excited about having found someone he loves he is naturally keen to share this with the friend who stood by him when he wasmiserable.
You really have no reason to feel possessive or let down. Instead of spending all this emotion and time feeling miserable and left out focus on what you need to change in your life to be happy. Simply saying you are resistant to change does not let you off the hook. You are in charge of your own life and happiness- you can't leave that burden to anyone else.
If obesity is the primary issue consult a good doctor and get to the root cause. You need to get out of this self imposed shell and start living. You are only 23- you have a lifetime ahead of you .
Answer By:
Dr Sonya Mehta
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Dr Sonya Mehta is one of the most outspoken and articulate Indian psychologists today.
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