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Question :
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Hi
I have been with my boyfriend from 3 years now, after so much of efforts we mange to convence our families for merriage. Everybody is so happy for merriage as the guy is so hight profiled in all the aspect education, job etc... no problem at all.
But just before 2 month of my merriage i am so scared to get merried that i just canceled the merriage. Its an intercast merriage, Now realising that i just cant adjust.
The guy is such nice person and much more qualified and much better than me in all the aspects. He is real nice person and very suceessefull in his carrier.
But now i am not able to accept this merriage nor i am able to forget him & let think about anybody else. I m feeling so much guilty, that how i can do this to him. I m so worried about him. My guilt for him become so high.
i loved him so much but now suddenly i dont feel that much for him. I dont know how it happened after 3 years, is it normal?
Now i am confuged should i marry him or go for arrange merriage.
Posted By:
A,[India]
Date:
Tuesday, November 03, 2009 4:39 PM
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Answer :
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Dear A,
I think part of what may have happened is panic and nerves that many brides do go through before a wedding. One can get so caught up in the process of convincing parents, making decisions and arrangements that the fact that this is a big commitment only dawns close to the wedding. I can't tell how long its been since you called off the wedding.Did this just happen or has been a while?
I think you need to calm down and evaluate. Forget all the other issues and problems just ask yourself if this is the right guy and if you can visualize a happy married life with him.
Either take some time to be by yourself and think this through or confide in someone you trust and whose opinion and judgement you respect. You need to figure out if you are right in changing your mind or if you are making a mistake.
How is he reacting to all this - is he angry and upset with you or is he trying to be patient and understanding. Either will tell you a lot about the character of this man and thats so much more important than an artificial division like caste.
The confusion and fear about marriage are always there- you would not be an intelligent thinking person if you did not have doubts. Nothing in life is a sure thing.
Don't let guilt and anxiety push you into marrying him; at the same time don't let last minute jitters and unfounded fear stop you from going ahead with the marriage.
This decision is an important one and will affect both your lives. Take the time to be sure- whatever be your decision.
Answer By:
Dr Sonya Mehta
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Dr Sonya Mehta is one of the most outspoken and articulate Indian psychologists today.
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