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Question :
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Dear Sonia,
I have been watching you in lounge, I am happy that I got an oppotunity to chat with you. I am in marriage since 6months and its love marriage, but we hardly know each other- we were working together and we started liking each other within a month we got married. My problem with him is possessiveness.Its become too much!! I am helpless, plz help me.
After marriage we are staying seperate coz of caste prob! i love my parents as well, pl let me know how my relationship can be smooth n going. as a person he s good but its eating me inside, he doubts on me for everything! I cant be myself!!
Posted By:
Shree kavya,[India]
Date:
Wednesday, November 04, 2009 10:33 PM
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Answer :
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Dear Shree,
thats a very complicated set of issues. You are married to a man you claim to love but don't really know, you are living separately despite being married,you obviously have family issues in accepting the marriage due to caste differences AND he is possessive!!
Its quite possible that this possessive behavior is a reaction to all of these circumstances. If he feels that you are not a part of his life and you are being kept separated due to family/caste issues then the urge to know every single thing and control your life is understandable. Perhaps he feels threatened and does not believe that you will stay with him in this marriage. Possessiveness can be an extreme reaction to feeling total loss of control.
I do however understand that this is hardly pleasant for you. Tho the possessiveness is understandable its not really acceptable.
You need to sit down with him and tell him that you understand why he is being so controlling but that its making you miserable. Convince him that you are committed to this marriage and that he has no reason to distrust you. Make him realise that this behavior is only pushing you away rather than what he intends which is to bring you closer.
Be as unemotional and calm as you can be in the circumstance. You have a lot of problems and issues before you - don't add to them!
Answer By:
Dr Sonya Mehta
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