Dr Sonya Mehta is one of the most outspoken and articulate Indian psychologists today.

Practising for the past 15 years, Dr Mehta received her training in the US, where she earned her Ph.D in Psychology.

For the past three years she has served as a consultant to various TV news channels and has been a frequent guest on We the people on NDTV 24X7 hosted by Barkha Dutt and Lounge on NDTV GOOD TIMES.

The mother of two teenagers, Dr Mehta is particularly interested in adolescents and in dealing with relationship issues.

AND SHE is here to answer your queries!

About the show :
Hosted by Rajat Kapoor, Lounge is a tri-weekly chat show which invites real people to tell real stories.

So many people have questions to ask, issues to discuss, problems to fix, experiences to share, stories to tell.

This show gives people the platform to acknowledge issues we should be talking about and to answer questions we should be asking.

It’s a progressive show which talks about things that are happening and changing in India but people are still shying away from.


Through its course different kinds of relationships are explored -- from falling in love to falling out of love, from marriages to divorces – every relationship comes within it scope.

The show celebrates the dynamics of these relationships.

 
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    Ask our relationship expert Dr Sonya Mehta

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Disclaimer: The views expressed in the responses to the queries sent by our viewers/visitors to the website are of an independent expert and are based solely on the facts and circumstances disclosed in the query. The channel and/or the website may not necessarily endorse or subscribe to the same. Your problem may require a detailed discussion with an expert for redressal. Viewers/users are advised to seek professional help for the same.
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Hari | Date : 05/11/2009
I've been seeing someone I met online, in a long distance relationship for a year and half, and I need to decide whether to commit to marriage or move on. I'm 38, She's nearly 36. I find her attractive,and among the nicest people I know, but our interests differ and I feel no intellectual connection in the relationship, though the emotional understanding/caring and physical attraction is good.

I had little interest in the relationship a year ago. She would call and I am not assertive enough to say no on the face and so never gave an outright no- though I gave many indirect hints like mentioning that I get bored talking to her.

Over the early part of this year I decided to challenge my assumptions and give the relationship a fair chance, so I visited her several times. We are like good friends since then, and I find I care for her and want to see her happy. But still the core issue does bother me and deadlines I set for committing to the relationship have passed and I could not say yes.

A psychologist I visit suggested that I am in love with the process of trying to meet people online ( have been on the site 5 years) and am finding it hard to give up that life. Online articles on commitment too advise giving up the fantasy of an ideal person. So with great effort I have been able to accept the person as is- and am thinking of committing. But not being a serial dater does not mean marrying just anyone. I sometimes fear I'm making a mistake, at the same time think it could just be my fear of commitment. Mix with this my desire to make her happy. Are my fears baseless or should I say no ?

Thanks.
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Shree kavya | Date : 04/11/2009
Dear Sonia,

I have been watching you in lounge, I am happy that I got an oppotunity to chat with you. I am in marriage since 6months and its love marriage, but we hardly know each other- we were working together and we started liking each other within a month we got married. My problem with him is possessiveness.Its become too much!! I am helpless, plz help me.
After marriage we are staying seperate coz of caste prob! i love my parents as well, pl let me know how my relationship can be smooth n going. as a person he s good but its eating me inside, he doubts on me for everything! I cant be myself!!
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A | Date : 03/11/2009
Hi

I have been with my boyfriend from 3 years now, after so much of efforts we mange to convence our families for merriage. Everybody is so happy for merriage as the guy is so hight profiled in all the aspect education, job etc... no problem at all.

But just before 2 month of my merriage i am so scared to get merried that i just canceled the merriage. Its an intercast merriage, Now realising that i just cant adjust.

The guy is such nice person and much more qualified and much better than me in all the aspects. He is real nice person and very suceessefull in his carrier.

But now i am not able to accept this merriage nor i am able to forget him & let think about anybody else. I m feeling so much guilty, that how i can do this to him. I m so worried about him. My guilt for him become so high.

i loved him so much but now suddenly i dont feel that much for him. I dont know how it happened after 3 years, is it normal?
Now i am confuged should i marry him or go for arrange merriage.
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Rahul S Menon | Date : 03/11/2009
Hello Doctor.,
How are you.
IM Rahul., I have completed MBA and speclzd for Marketing and HR,now im trying for a job,im really intrstd in doing work,i just passed out frm collg,But really lazy search for a job,i feel lazy day by day,i think this will at last bring me alot of problems,i feel lazy to get up from bed, i sleep late, i had a lot of goals while doing my PG, bt now im now in bangalore searching for a job,lot of companies are calling me for interview but my mind is making me stay back at home. im sure this would take me to alot of problems.

please help me and tell me how to tackle this ., i would be greatful to you through out my life.
Thanking You

Yours Truly
Rahul S Menon
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Kavita | Date : 01/11/2009
Hi Sonya,
iam a 23 year old lonely girl. Iam obese and no man really took much of a intrest in me right from my early teens. I met a guy on yahoo chat 8 months back and he said he was a divorcee. we fell into talking and came to know fully abt each other. we shared our loneliness and problems with each other. It became so initimate that i really started feeling in love with him but never had the confidence to meet him. Meanwhile my parents started looking out for a guy for me and he also started looking for a divorced girl in matrimonal sites. Finally he found someone and now has started communicating with her. His priorities have suddenly chnged. Hardly gets time to call me these days. I feel so bad that evn when he calls and tries to talk i dnt feel like communicating as i feel i hav lost him already. It makes me feel so horrible . i feel happiness to me was so shortlived and he doesnt even know how i feel about him. Now tht he is communicatin with that girl ,whom he found in matrimonial site a lot , i feel i cant tell him anything now. its too late. I am really living in self pity and do nt know hw to manage my emotions. I tried telling him this. but he s on cloud nine these days after meeting d new girl in his life. He is not in a frame of mind where he wud lend an ear to me. i feeel so left off. I cant blame him but i feel extremly possesive, I hate it wen he talks abt that girl. How can i help myself out, Pls explain . I am very resistent to changes in life. I am feeling on a all time low in my life. Pls help me!
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Jayashree | Date : 30/10/2009
Dear Sonya,

I had posted a question earlier but received no reply.

My problem is my in laws. They are very domineering but not rude and i am very mild and somebody who cannot stand for herself. My mother in law lives with us and she just doesn't bother about anybody but herself, does things she wants and she is very manipulative but not a bad person infact she is so nice and outgoing that people want to be nice and helpful to her.

My hunband thinks the world of her siblings (all 4 of them) and is always ready to help them. He is also avery loving and caring husband and father.

I have 10 year old daughter who is very much like me and gets pushed aroubnd by her cousins but does not mind it or realise it.

His sisters are laways making him run around for one thing or the other and the mother literally has my daughter and my husband on a string. My problem is inspite of repeatedly telling my inlaws that their ways are upsetting me they do not bother but continue in their set ways, and my MIL has blackmails my daughter emotionally by crying and telling all and sundry that i don't treat her well.

I am very short tempered and my daughter is very scared of my temper and i fel she has started hating me.

How do i handle these issues.


Ho
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JASMINE | Date : 28/10/2009
HI my husband is often working latenights and on weekends .He is also a frequent international traveller... .there are laptops ,mobiles and e chats all the time...television and reading...he loves his socialising and heavy food ...has huge huge circle of close friends...too much of workalcoholic...happens to have bad hygeine and lifestyle....neglects household duties...irresponsible.... careless to home
and my health....i feel very lonely since there are only two of us at home....i try to partcipate in his life and keep myself busy still i feel lonely....communicated this to husband lots of times but he is not changing...
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Tweety | Date : 28/10/2009
Hello Dr.Mehta,
This is the first time ever I am writing to any blogs
My problem is with jealousness, I am extremely jealous of my cousins, I guess as kids we were all compared a lot and even today the relatives compare our families with that of cousins, It could be the salary, the house we buy, the country we visit, the gold we wear at weddings, so on and so forth, this is the cause of problem. It could even be the parents of cousins who would boast their kids in some social gathering, or would visit our house and talk for hours about their kids, In a way it has helped as It would motivate me to do more and push myself hard to achieve my goals in the beginning.
But now the same thing has become a burden to me. My mood goes off for days if I hear any progress about my cousins, the thoughts about what they would do in future will be the first thing that comes to mind in morning than of my life, and my mind would constantly revolve around them all time though we stay miles apart.
As a solution to this I tend to go away from the source of news, I dun want to visit my home county, I dun call my parents often (which makes me really really guilty), I do not call all those relatives who will give me the news of the cousins, these solutions have only kept me away from the things temporarily. I would eventually be sad or depressed once I hear about them. So my cousins life(which is beyond my control) or people who speak about them are literally controlling my life and emotions, to the worsen that my mind even think 10 years ahead what they might do.. lol
How do I get rid of this. How can I still be happy talk and laugh with all my cousins and not be effected by their progress and life. I want a way to be more happy with my life and be lively with my parents and my close family? I am too eager about your reply.
Thanks
Tweety!!
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